IC Inbox (Hadriel)

[casperdisaster]

"If you're gonna leave a message you gotta leave some
info too, don't just say 'call me back' because I'll think
it means someone died!"

(Text/Audio/Action/Etc)

Comments

[casperdisaster]

He always trusted you before, though.

[This is a thing that is deeply confusing Noah. Gansey and Adam had been so close in Henrietta, and Adam hasn't changed at all. He frowns, sighs, pulls the blankets around himself tighter. Telling Gansey was supposed to let him understand what had everyone so on edge around him, supposed to get him to trust them more so that it didn't come out thanks to some terrible event Fear put them through. Instead it just made everything worse.]

There's no reason for him not to. You always look out for him, for the blind spots he doesn't notice on himself.

[unknowable]

There are always plenty of reasons not to trust someone, if you look for them.

[Only Gansey never really has before. Even when they've fought, even when Adam sacrificed himself to Cabeswater, Gansey still stubbornly chose to trust him. He doesn't know what's changed now, doesn't know if it was something he did or didn't do or if it's just everything that's happened. But he doesn't know if he can fix it, either, and that's the worst part.

Distrusting people has always been Adam's job. Gansey greets with open arms and a smile, Ronan generally dislikes everyone, Noah mostly avoids people, but Adam - Adam is the wary one. He still is, that hasn't changed, but it seems like so many other things have.]

Maybe it was always going to end up this way. It doesn't change anything.

[casperdisaster]

I trust you. Ronan trusts you.

[Noah rests his head against the back of the couch, looking up at Adam sadly. Adam's dedication to them, to the cause, had never been in question for him. Of course, Noah could always cheat before - no need to question when there's Knowing. Like Ronan's strange faith that required none at all.]

I'm sorry.

[unknowable]

Thank you.

[Because he isn't going to brush off the apology - he isn't going to say it's okay or it doesn't matter or don't worry about it because none of that would be true. It does matter. It changed things. But maybe things had already been changed, so maybe all it did was make them more obvious.

Adam just needs to deal with it, one way or another. That's all it comes down to.]

You trust me because we both belong to Cabeswater. Ronan trusts me because - he's Ronan. He probably shouldn't, either.

[casperdisaster]

I trusted you before you were Cabeswater's.

[Not that it matters, because Adam had always been Cabeswater's, even when he wasn't. The same inevitable circle played over and over again. He still felt it needed to be said, though. Like asking questions even when he knew the answer. Rituals.]

[unknowable]

[He looks at Noah. He knows there's more to it than that, but he appreciates the sentiment anyway.]

I know what I am. I just -

[He just always felt like Gansey thought he was more than that. Not the way Ronan does - Ronan sees something entirely different when he looks at Adam - but Gansey always seemed to think the best of him, no matter how they fought.]

I guess it doesn't matter. It's done.

[casperdisaster]

[Noah doesn't want it to end this way, doesn't want Adam to keep feeling the way he's feeling, but only Gansey could fix this injury. Even if Noah could find the right words, they wouldn't mean the same thing coming from him.

It doesn't stop him from wishing he could.]

I really am sorry, Adam.

[And he would understand if Adam asked Cabeswater to block Noah out, not that he's sure it would work, but he would understand it. That also is a thing that should almost certainly not be said, though.]

[unknowable]

[He nods, accepting that. He's not going to ask Cabeswater for any such thing - he's thought about it, but that would be crossing a line, and he's not ready to do that. Not even if he's mad at Noah. Not over something like this. He just wishes Noah would keep other people's secrets as secret as they're meant to be. There are a million things Adam doesn't want shared. He'd prefer to believe no one knows them, even.]

I'll figure it out.

[He runs a hand through his hair, already messy, making it messier.]

I should get some rest. We both should.

[casperdisaster]

[Noah nods. He looks a bit silly, moving off the couch to stand, still ensconced in a blanket burrito so only his face is barely visible. It's amazing he didn't very loudly trip and fall down the stairs if this is how he snuck down them.]

Yeah. I'm still tired. You... sleep well, Adam.

[unknowable]

You too. Good night, Noah.

[He turns to head to his own room. He doesn't really know if he'll be able to sleep - too many things to think about - but he'll try, at least. He just has to figure out how to deal with all of this, that's all. Then he can sleep.]